04.18.05
Sleep Suits and Slumber Boots

4-18-05

I'm in the business of sleep. I came up with the idea about a year ago when I realized if I just moved the couch and the tv out of my living room, I could charge people to sleep on the floor. They love it. They can't get enough. I'm charging people by the half hour. If you don't wake up after your 30 minutes is up, you get kicked in the head. Unless you choose to pay for another 30 minutes. This isn't a homeless shelter. Not only will these people pay to sleep in my living room, some of them are also willing to shell out $300 for my patented Omni Sleep Suits, which revolutionize sleep technology - a very unexplored technology, at that. It kind of looks like a space suit. Each Sleep Suit comes complete with a safety helmet and slumber boots, to safely ease you into your sleep mission. If you can't afford the deluxe sleep suit, I also have a great sleep induction method that involves freon and a plastic bag. I'm actually running a special this weekend: 2 Ultra Power-Naps for the price of one Cat Nap. Or, if you're not an advanced sleeper, you could always just buy an hour of good Old Fashioned sleep, which never goes out of style. The choice is yours.