Diary Entry No. 5.30c
Robot Frank's New Job: Gaurd Dog

05-30-01

I've spent the past week working down at the dump. They hired me to work security all day and all night. Twelve bucks an hour off the books. They hired me because somebody kept shooting all of their dogs, and they said it was really effecting their emotions. So they don't want to lose any more dogs. So here I am first night on the job and I'm duking it out with two neighborhood thieves punching and kicking my way to victory. When all of a sudden I realize one of the dudes I'm kicking the shit out of is Robot Ron's best pal, Sea Cap'n Deadbeard. Turns out it was Deadbeard and his neighbor, Tag-A-Long Tim. I see that dude hanging out with various people every now and then. Never alone... The Captain explained to me that he needed some scrap metal to make weapons of war with because he's going to try to take over Long Island next month and he needs an entire pirate ship fleet's worth of fighting tools. So I told him take what you need, it's not my shit. I let him run around for a while, until he didn't come back for like 10 minutes. I looked around for him and found him setting fire to the main trailer. That looked like a lot more fun than working security. So Deadbeard, Tim and I torched the place and I stole all the cash they hide in the bottom drawer before it got burned. When they got back I played dead, then started "coming to life". I told them that they were cruel to risk robot lives and that they will be hearing from the Head of Robot Lawyers first thing Monday morning. They were so scared. So scared... Head of Robot Lawyers is an asshole.