HOME- PHOTO ALBUM- DIARY


04-26-01

So I got a job at the Bee Farm. Since I couldn't get stung, they gave me all the tough jobs. Like "disrupting the hive". It didn't make a difference though. I killed a whole bunch of them. I was supposed to lock up at night, but instead I stole two shelves worth of bees from that thing they keep them all in. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with them, but then this morning I got the perfect idea. I threw them into the nursery school window. LUCKILY it was also class picture day, so everyone can relive and share the memories. If I'm not fired today, I'm going to steal all the rest of the bees and take over East Milton. I will change the name of the town to: Dastardly Robot Frank's City of Bees. Should my city be successful, I will purchase a thousand monkeys, and teach them all kung-fu. They will maintain the city in the winter, alternating with the evil bees.

04-24-01

Robot Ron joined the marines today. I think he was inspired by that Cuba Gooding Jr. commercial. This kind of reminds me of the time Robot Ron thought he was on the swat team because of some new jacket he got. He swept into the Dress Barn and beat the crap out of everyone inside. Then he ran into the CD Warehouse and played all their video games on display. An odd twist of plot. He was put away in prison for three weeks. He said while there he met the Snoop Dog and Christian Slater, both of which were very curtious and polite. Marion Barry on the other hand, was an asshole. Him and Rick James. They both will not be receiving Christmas cards from Robot Ron OR ME this year.

04-18-01

Last night my neighbor Bob G (Kenny G's worthless brother) called the police on me. I was hiding up in one of his trees over his house. I didn't realize he knew I was in there. I thought I played it real cool. That paranoid fuck. So here I am trying to act like I'm not in a tree while police are shining flashlights up on me discussing with each other what they see. "Is it some kind of monster beast?" "No Luitenant, I believe it's an angry robot." "Well I'llllll be." Eventually I jumped out and gave them each a robotic spin kick to the face, then I ran behind another neighbors house (to lose them). After that I went home and watched a little television. Nothing good was on, as usual. So I just watched one of my special olympics videos I bought. I got it on eBay.
Item 4742429894: L@@K*RARE* SPECIAL OLYPMICS VHS! FUNNY!!@LOL@(NO RESERVE!)

04-09-01

I got a job at the slaughter house. It's my job kill the cows. On the application, I said I am a killing machine, then proceeded to list all the various animals I have experience in killing. I lied and said I killed a tiger, because I thought that would impress them. And I also failed to mention I've killed humans also...

A lot of things go on down at the slaughter house that you might not expect... It's not a rare occurance for somebody to buy a cow freedom at the last minute. I've been paid good money to sneak a cow or two off the line... In the cow world, it's not what you know. It's who you know. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but just last week Michael Jackson saved an old friend... Twenty seconds later and she would have been hamburger meat. But now she's doin' the moonwalk with Bubbles and Whacko Jacko. Not all cows are as lucky as Michael's pal. That cow from Pee-Wee's Playhouse, the one that always poked her head in the window... Pee Wee found out about her unfortunate situation one day too late, now she's just a pile of tasty burgers. Primed and ready for the George Foreman Lean Mean Green Grillin' Machine.

04-05-01

I met this robot down at the bowling alley last night, named Xeroll 4850. He was the biggest prick I ever met. All he could seem to talk about was how great he was, and all the tasks he could perform efficiently. It's like, "Dude, get a clue." Just because people want us robots to work for them, doesn't' mean it's what we HAVE to do. But he's real set upon impressing some humans in lab coats I think. He says he's been narrowed down to the final 8 robots to be selected for the next Mars exploration. So that means if he can out perform those 7 other goodie-two shoes, he might get to be the next robot we lose to space monsters. We've already lost 4 at least... I heard the last one we sent up there was beaten and tortured. They should send monkeys instead, it's their turn again. Us robots are getting pissed off, we've had to go the last like 8 times in a row. After we lose Xeroll 4850, send live monkeys. Or if the ASPCA wont let you do it anymore, then send those Multiple Scleroses kids. Let's not be so wasteful with our good robots.

04-01-01

There was yet another party over at Bob G.'s this weekend. It was a surprise party thrown by his wife. Oh how surprised he was when he opened his eyes and saw Robot Ron jumping out of his piano. And in case you're wondering, there's no way in hell that thing still works. Rock Star Bruce "hid" upstairs, and he never even came down for most of the night. I think he was probably looting. It's what I would have been doing... Sea Captain Deadbeard came along too. But Bob threw him out when he stuck his face in the punch bowl and then started swinging his sword around at people. I think he drank like 3 bottles of rum before the party. So that's why he acts like he does... When we were leaving the party, The Captain was passed out in some hole he was digging in Bob G.'s front yard. Must have been one of those late night treasure hunts or something.