Grimace is a hero. What a good guy that Grimace is. I wish he was my bud. We'd play kickball and get into street fights. And I'd have his back, and he'd have mine.
Notice you never see Grimace arguing on television? He's just cool with everything or something. Not me man. I gotta hand it to that Grimace.
I bet The Hamburglar is a real ass of a friend. He probably always dicks over our pal Grimace. I have a friend like that. Man what a dick.
If I were Grimace I would say "Listen fucker if you eat one more of my hamburgers I'm gonna smash your face in with a mighty Grimace blow! Me and Ronald talked it over and we're gonna fuck you up!" But Grimace would never complain. He just smiles and takes it on the chin. Tucks it away in a drawer somewhere.. Somewhere I would never dare go.

It's hard to wake up for McDonald's breakfast. That's all I have to say about that. And that Burger King breakfast sucks. Except Cini-Minis. Dammit I didn't want to get into this shit. Not here. Not with you.
Grimace should try to take over McDonaldLand with brute force. Who in McDonaldLand could stop him or put up a fight? What the fuck could The Mayor do? Jack shit. Mayor McCheese probably thought hamburger theft was the only problem facing his great city.

With Grimace on their ass they'd be in some serious trouble. The whole city would evacuate while an angry Grimace ravaged the local McDonalds. If Grimace were to punch a house, would it break? Did McDonaldLand even invest in security at all? Some serious questions The Mayor would have on his hands.
The guy at the drive-thru window at McDonald's wont give you anything these days if you don't ask for it. If you want some ketchup you better damn well ask for it. It's all part of the Stop Giving A Shit Act of 1997. Thats the year all employees everywhere signed the Fuck Customers Bill. Granting customers little to no basic rights. Well anyway All I wanted was some damn BBQ sauce. And somtimes I forget to ask for it. I cant eat anything without BBQ sauce, assholes.
They should put a Grimace item on the menu. It's about time they did something for him, instead of for themselves. I say we riot in Grimace's name. Better yet, riot and loot. Don't give 'em an inch. Grimace wouldn't.


I heard Ronald McDonald once tricked Grimace into thinking he was being traded to the Burger King Kids Club (I think for the girl with one eye.. or whatever her problem was. They all had problems).
Grimace was apparently devistated and went straight into a Grimace depression; like many were worried he would do. He didn't eat for a Happy Meal for three months. It took the Super Mario Brothers happy meal toys to bring him out of it.
Grimace is never on TV anymore. But he is not gone. I did a little investigative reporting and managed to spot a Grimace on a "small beverage" cup. I don't think they put him on TV anymore because of the time he attacked that child in Cincinnati. I remember the headline on THE ENQUIRER said "Grimace's Near- Deadly Rampage". There was exlcusive photos onside I remember. Very gory.

thanks: maranda + angela (images)