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01-29-01

Today I went to the couch store. I wanted to buy myself a new new seat to watch the television from. So I tested out a bunch of couches, you know me. The first few didn't have enough spring in them or something because I couldn't get high enough to do a flip. And that's a requirement in a couch. I don't buy a bed until I can do a triple lutz. So anyway I'm buyin' this couch and a sales guy comes up to me and says "Now you take it easy on that fine leather couch imported from Brazil." I stopped and made like I was sorry. When he looked away for a second I smashed him into the ground and ran. Then I did a celebration dance, like the football players do it. Mine is pretty cool, I like point down twice, while twisting and shaking like I'm being electrocuted. I didn't end up buying a couch, I figure I'll probably have to go back while that guy isn't working. Otherwise it will be an uncomfortable shopping experience. After that I went to the auto-body shop. I wanted to see if they were selling and new front grills, those are all the rage with the robots you know... They had a Honda so I said you can keep it. I also checked out the rims and tires, I'm thinking about getting a wheel attachment. It's expensive surgery for us robots, but I think we all want it. Robot Ron tried to win it in a contest once on TV. He didn't win but he still went through the trouble of disassembling his legs for no reason. It took him 2 days to take it all apart, and 32 days to walk in the forward direction again.

01-26-01

Robot Ron took the time to write us at the website a special important message from Robot Ron himself. Oh how important and official.

HELLO I IS ROBOT RONS AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE NEW SUPER KICK THAT I DID LERN IT IS THE bEST!! I DID ONE TO SOMONE AT THE DELI ON THE STREET AND IT DID HURT SO BAD THEY SAID. tODAY I FOUGHT A MAN IN THE STEETS!!! THE PEPOLE SAY THEY SAYD RUN RUN TO THE MAN BUT HE COULD NOT RON BECAUSE HE WAS A cRIMNAINAl! I SLAMMED HIM AND SHASHED AND THEN I GAVE HIM THE SUICIDE KICK (THE CHILDREN SOME THEM HAD NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE! IT WAS A SPECTICLE] THEN I THREW HIM IN THE RIVER AND HE WAS A DONE PIECE OF NEWS LIKE YESTERDAYS TRASH IN THE DUMSTER!

THE NEXT TIME I LEARN ANOTHER SECRET KICK I WILL LET YOU TELL AND ALSO IF I BECOME A NINJA (I HOPE!) !!GO ROBOT RON ATTACK!!

01-22-01

If you say you can have something done in an hour, you better stand by your word. I went to the Value-Rite 1 hour photo this morning with by brand new set of kicking people photos (for my other website that I work on, "People in Pain: kicks") and they didn't have it developed yet when I came back exactly one hour later. I said "Listen buddy, I don't have time to dick around waiting for minimum wage filths like you to develop my photos! When you promise Robot Frank photos in one hour and you don't come through, you're messin' with your life!" Then I punched him from across the counter. He never expected me to do that, but I did. Then I tore all through Value-Rite knocking things off the shelves, pushing people down, and then smacking people with a mop that I found along the way. I taught them all a lesson in showing no mercy. I cannot tolerate you people any longer! If it were not for you I would have a majillion websites done by now. I blame my inefficiencies on you.

01-17-01

Robot Ron went and got a job at the circus. I told him that's something you regret for life, you can't remove the labels that'll put on you. But he says he loves the bear and the scary clowns and he also wants to make the children cry. I'm sure some dangerous accident is going to happen while he's there, maybe he'll take down 10 or so high wire jelapeno brothers, or blow up the car filled with clowns. That'd be worth buying a ticket to see. I would someday like to be in a place with over 5,000 crying children. I can only hope for such a tragedy to occur someday, in my presence.

01-05-01

Robot Ron was being honored at a little league game for some "Shining Star" award. I never heard of it but I guess it's some award the county gives to it's "most special" citizens. He got to throw out the opening pitch. The ball got like 5 feet, but he was smiling while throwing. They put a picture of it in the back of the paper with a star. It's a great picture, he's so proud he was in the paper. He autographed issues outside the newstand down in town. Some people threw coffee on him because they thought he was crazy or something. ...

01-04-01

Today is the greatest day of all time. A midget is visiting my neighbor for a week. It's been a hell of a day chasing that lil' one around, I keep expecting him to dive into a some hole or something. Midgets are so afraid of robots. They are probably afraid of clowns too, since all midgets have to have broken free from a circus at one point in their life. I think the circus gets legal rights. Someday if I am ever a rich robot, I will buy those legal rights. I will build them a miniature colonial village, circa 1776. Some days they will have to put on reenactments on the street for my paying customers. Actually I will also give them little car to drive around in the streets. They would love little cars. I want the kind that explode on front or rear impact or something fun like that. If I have stuff like that I'm going to need people running around selling disposable cameras to all my customers. I would hate for them to miss a family keepsake. It would be fantastic... The gate to the town would always be locked. Hey, it could be worse. It's not like I'm asking them to dance with bears or wrestle tigers. I freed them from all that. My next door neighbor midget went out to get the paper today. I hid behind a bush and thew a rock at him. I was expecting him to use some mystical magical powers on me but he just fell down. Tomorrow he shall be caught and put in a bag! Which I will sell down at the market.