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06-15-01

Yesterday was so great. I got on the 5 o'clock news @ 5. Some guy fell of a roof onto some kid, and I was watching the whole thing, hoping it would happen. So that made me a "News @ 5 Eye Witness". I made up some story about how I luckily managed to move an entire class of kindergartners just in time, so they called me a hero. And I'm invited to some dinner, real upscale. I'll have to be on my best behavior. Last time I went to one of those I got kicked out for throwing cheesecake at The Mayor. And a chair at his wife. I'm going to try to get on the news again tomorrow. It's real exhilarating. Quite a rush. I don't know how I'm going to get on the news... I'm thinking about drowning babies. But I'm open to suggestions.

06-06-01

I won $50,000 on one of those scratch off tickets. It was called "Find The Lucky Pots of Gold". I found all three of them. I usually only win like a dollar or something (which I always end up losing again anyway) but today I knew I'd find those pots of gold. With the money I won, I got me a horse. A RACE horse. It used to be owned by M.C. Hammer. He's selling off all his shit now. I figured I could double my money back with that horse. I didn't though. I got kicked out for drugging up the horse. He kicked on of the officials in the face. So if there's anything you take away from this, keep your horses off drugs. I was going to try to sell the horse back to M.C., so I called him up; but he wouldn't have it. He said he's got to get rid of 42 more horses, his Rolls Royce, 3000 exotic fish, his gold plated house, and 3 children he didn't want to have in the first place. Then he said something along the lines of "too legit" and hung up. I don't have the horse anymore though. I never did end up selling it... I forgot to close the back of the trailer. We probably lost him somewhere on the highway. Or it could have been somewhere on the dirt road. Or it could have been somewhere.. Ahh who cares.