Dear Red Ninja Sightings World Headquarters,

My name is Justin. As a loyal fan of your website I have been keeping my eye peeled each and every day for The Mysterious Red Ninja. I have a poster of him on my wall, and I have the limited edition Drinking Glass Collector set they offered back in '95. Or 4 out of 5 at least. But that's not why I am writing you today. I am writing because for 1 day I had The Red Ninja hanging around MY house. I know you may not believe me, I am the first to admit I have cried wolf on a number of occassions, but this time I have proof. I have taken several pictures of The Red Ninja hanging around my house, protecting me and my family, and being a rude cocksucker. But it's okay, he's The Red Ninja, he can do whatever he wants!

Here is my evidence:


Here I am watching The Quilting Hour on QVC, like I do every Tuesday at 4pm (replay at 2am). If you look very carefully you just might see The Red Ninja peeking into my window. What is he looking for? Why is he there? Does he too long for the comfort of a handmade quality quilt, which can be ordered hassle-free on over the phone? OR maybe he was looking to see if my house was invaded by bad guy terrorists and needed the aid of a ninja warrior, like what happened to The Lowell family across the street just last week. They are all dead now and the terrorists play loud music at night. They really enjoy Journey and the solo work of Steve Perry, which is really funny because it just so happens I really enjoy throwing rocks through windows when nobody is home. And hitting their dog with a stick.