HOME- PHOTO ALBUM-DIARY
Yesterday I spent the whole day helping my neighbor build his garage.He was supposed to pay me $8.00 an hour, which is really lousy for RobotLabor. To his surprise I'm not that into working, so I spent most of theday wandering off and watching him build. I took a two-hour lunch break,even though I don't eat food. When I got back he started yelling about howhe's too old to build an entire garage alone and he hired me because he hasa bad back. I told him I don't have to take that kind of attitude, and thathe and his bad back can finish the damn garage without me.
I will be adding new photos the the Robot Photo Album in a few days,you will enjoy them. I would have had new pictures up yesterday, but I leftthem at the Discovery Zone. I was trying to sneak into the ball pit becausethat is my favorite place to hide and jump out at children. They never expectto see an angry robot in the ball pit, so it works out well.
I went to a hot dog eating contest today. It was fantastic. I've neverwitnessed anything as fabulous in my life. I tried to mess everyone up byyelling "Oh man!! I'm so full!! I'm so full!!"... Three people hadto bail out because of me. The winner's name was Mike something. I got hisautograph, I figured it might be worth something someday. Anyone who caneat that many hot dogs in that little time is going places. If I could eathalf the amount of hot dogs that man ate I wouldn't be here typing for youguys right now.
This morning there was a fire down the street from where I live and everyonewas running in saving things. I saved a microwave, a Stairmaster and a cat(which I named Gus.) I wish I had time to save some more stuff, because Ineed a new toaster oven. One man tried saving the refrigerator but it fellon top of him and he got stuck. I was going to save him, but instead I savedthe microwave.
I got into an argument with the mailman today. He tried to give me anextra coupon mailer packet last Thursday and I told him I wouldn't standfor it. He can keep his damn mailer coupon packets. He tried to give me anotherone today when we were yelling so I pushed him onto the ground (because thatseemed like the most logical thing to do.) His argument was that he getsso many coupon packets to hand out that he cant keep track of how many hegave out. I made sure he will start keeping track of how many he gave me.
I returned today from a four day trip to Florida. I am never going togo there again. From the very start of the trip it was terrible. When I wentto the airport they made me walk through the metal detector 48 times. I haveno pockets to empty. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what is settingthe alarm off. Then when I was on the plane the captain said you cannot useelectronic devices during take off or landing, so during the whole planeride if we hit any turbulence or the lights flicker for a second everyoneon the plane looked at me.
While there I went to several amusement parks. I do not get the sameexcitement from going on roller coasters that you people do. I don't understandit. When people go upside-down on a rollercoaster they laugh and giggle.When I pick people up by their feet and shake them they complain and cry.You people are stupid.
Today I tried skiing. It was the worst thing I ever did in my whole life.I did not even get to go down the damn mountain. First I got on the ski lift.I went three laps around before some guys who worked there started pullingme off the chair. I punched one of them and he almost died. I had to be like"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Then I went on the bunny trail and some stupidkid fell down right in front of me so I ran him over then his mother yelledat me. I yelled back at her because its not my fault her kid sucks atskiing.
On the way home I stopped at a petting zoo and I accidentally openedthe llama gate, so it ran away. The man who owned the place didn't see whathappened so I got back in the car and left before anybody could say anything.About a mile down the road I saw a big animal on the side hanging over theguard rail. I don't know if it was a llama or not, but if it was I thinkI know who's it was.
Today the kid down the street had a birthday party so I figured I wouldmake an appearance. The kids were going on pony rides so I thought I wouldtry it out. It turns out pony's backs aren't strong enough to support theweight of robots. I jumped on and the pony's back broke. It was terrible.They had to shoot the pony in front of all the children.
I also took my road test today (again.) The first time I failed becauseI hit 7 people. This time I only hit 2. I thought I would pass this timebecause I hit a lot less people than I did last time.
I got a letter yesterday from Ed McMahon or however you spell it tellingme that I could have already won a million dollars. All I have to do nowis buy like 20 or 30 magazine subscriptions and I could be in the Grand Finals.If I had a million dollars I would buy so much stuff. Like I could pay offall my magazine subscriptions that they make you buy, and then maybe havea little money left over to buy something else.
Today I went to the supermarket and bought some stuff. I hate going outin public because a lot of people in town don't like me. Whenever anythinggoes wrong they blame me, as if I am the cause of all this town's problems.Like the time 4 cows got slaughtered. Why the hell would I want to kill abunch of cows. Oh yeah, I have a lot to gain from that. Last month the townheld a vote to throw me in the lake. I barely won. Thank god everybody inthis town is too lazy and stupid to vote.
I almost got arrested last night for "rampaging the flea market." I wasgoing to buy this used television for $10.00 and the guy using it said itwasn't for sale so naturally I got a little upset and started punching him,and everyone that tried to stop me. I then knocked over all the vendor tablesand whatever else got in my way. The police got all pissy about it so I ranaway before they could catch me. I'm now hiding in the basement. On the wayhome this car almost hit me so I threw it in the river. That may be harshpunishment, but now the stupid ass will know to yield to crossing robots.
Today was a terrible day. I wanted to kill everybody. The next time Iget smacked in the back of the head from a wise ass kid I will rip his armoff. I don't care what his mother says. People think they can mess with melike those stupid asses in bear suits at amusement parks.
If my town asks me one more time to walk in the annual parade I am goingto move. Rent a damn clown if you want to make the kids laugh.
My next door neighbors always stare at me. It pisses me off. One of myneighbors is Kenny G's brother, Bob G. He's a dick though.
This is my first diary entry. I thought this would be a good place foryou all to learn a little bit about me and hopefully understand where I amcoming from. I went to high school a few years ago to see what it was like.I needed something to do all day. It was terrible. I was really good in gymclass though. Especially dodgeball. I never got out. Eventually the gym teachermade it me against the entire class. Then there was the rope climb. I setthe school record, but I'm not sure if they are keeping it because everybodysays it doesn't count because I am a robot. Go to hell.