Robot Frank's Photo Album Part Three: "Break, Smash, Conquer"
Winter '99/'00 - Page 1 of 4

This is a Christmas picture sent to me by my friends Robot Ron, Becky, and Rock Star Bruce. Ron told me that Santa was a real jerk this year and that he was yelling at all the elves. He yelled at one elf because a kid was too fat. It wasn't the elf's fault at all, Santa was just a dick. He also told all the kids that because of cutbacks they were going to more strongly enforce the "bad kids don't get presents" rules and only the best 31% of children would receive gifts this year. Last year almost all the kids got gifts, but not this year. Santa's had enough.


This is me on television. I was doing a benefit for the children's hospital. We're raising money to buy the kids new kidneys or something stupid, I don't know, I don't care. I just wanted to be on TV. Those kids can die a painful death and you wont see this guy shed a tear. I got on TV!

I do all of my shopping at the Home Depot. They have really good prices on a few of my key body parts that sometimes come loose. Last night I saw this show about dogs that save their owners lives, like because they love them or something. So that gave me the idea to build my own dog. I'm going to teach it to bite people's faces and to steal from my neighbor's garage. He's got some good stuff in there. I've just been dying to steal some of it.