Q. Who is the "Red Ninja"?
A. The Red Ninja is the closest we have to a super hero. He fights crime. He saves little girls' cats from trees, and most importantly, he is mysterious. If you are being mugged, fear not, because there is always the possibility of The Red Ninja saving the day. Tell the criminals "You better hope The Red Ninja isn't around!" It will surely strike fear into their hearts.
Q. How long have people known about The Red Ninja?
A. Nobody knows who The Red Ninja is. All that is known about The Red Ninja is that he is mysterious and his identity is a mystery. And he is a good guy.
Q. How do you know he is a good guy?
A. Because he fights bad guys. (As oppose to HELPING the bad guys, which would make him a bad guy. It's all very complicated, we can't expect you to understand it all.)
Q. Is The Red Ninja good at fighting?
A. Is my grandmother a fat bitch? The Red Ninja is the best at fighting! It was once said that he killed thirty-seven bad guys with his left arm tied behind his back. (It was a bet.)
Q. Is The Red Ninja a big gambler?
A. He might be. All that is known about The Red Ninja is that he is very mysterious, and that he is a good guy. I don't think The Red Ninja considers fighting bad guys a "gamble" though. It's a sure victory.
Q. Who told you that story about the 37 bad guys and the arm tied behind his back?
A. Some dude. He pinkie swore, so we know we weren't being jerked around.
Q. What kind of weapons does The Red Ninja use?
A. We know he has a katana, and when he isn't using that he uses his hands and feet (also deadly weapons. Some say even MORE deadly than the sword, but they were drunk when they said it, but still…)
Q. Where does The Red Ninja live?
A. There are many theories as to the residence of The Red Ninja. Some (idiots) say he lives in a futuristic space bubble three miles below the earth's crust. Others say he hangs out behind the Circle-K Mini-Mart down on the corner of Ocean and Rhodes. I however think that he is nomadic and is far too mysterious to stay in one place for too long… either that or the space bubble theory.
Q. Where can I write for The Red Ninja's autograph?
A. Don't try to trick us! The Red Ninja's residence is a mystery, and if we did know where to write we wouldn't tell it to possible bad guy criminals like you... Bad guy criminal. You make me sick. You probably make The Red Ninja even sicker… He hates bad guys more than anything.
Q. Why does The Red Ninja hate bad guys so much?
A. We don't know. But we do know he hates them. More than ANYTHING. Theyprobably killed his dog or his family or something when he was little. Or maybe there is no red ninja and we just made this all up. But how does thatexplain the pictures of him? It DOESN'T!